Worth Fighting For

So I just read an article that was recommended by another blogger, and I was struck by the statement:

The truth is I want to be someone worth fighting for—not just for one date, but for a relationship, and someday for a lifetime.

And I started thinking about what it means to fight for someone and what girls want when they say that. I think it's a valid desire, and according to the Eldredge clan (Captivating and Wild and Heart) it is the way we are wired, and I'm not disputing that. And I understand the sentiment. I have definite "white night" tendencies of wanting to "save the day" and "fight for the woman I love" kind of thing. But...there just seems to be some friction between our (or just my own) interpretation of the desire and reality. Because the reality is...there are some guys you just don't want fighting for you, and whom you don't necessarily care if they think you are worth it. Doesn't mean their bad people...but maybe you've just decided already that they are not the man for you. I'm not even talking about being picky. You're open...you've considered it...and it's just not there. But if it helps...think of the guy with no social skills that says things like "I like your armpits" (not even joking...I know a guy who has used that one). You don't want that guy pursuing you. And when you say no...you don't want him fighting for you. Because it's awkward. And of course there are girls that guys don't want to fight for and who we don't want desiring us to fight for them. So I guess I've just been trying to work that into the concept of being fought for and fighting for. Because if I tell a girl, "I enjoy being around you...you are a lot of fun...I'd like to get to know you better." And they say no...what does it mean to fight for them? Do I say...well! I'm going to keep on trying. I'm fighting for you! If a girl you like is dating another guy, does fighting for her mean you keep pursuing them? Is it quitting not to?

So what does it mean to fight for a girl? What did Carla Whitley want when she said she wanted to be worth fighting for. I just remember liking all these girls in high school and college who were so stinkin out of my league that they couldn't really care less if I thought they were worth fighting for or not. It was more of a, "Well of course you think I'm worth fighting for...but I want so-and-so to find me worth fighting for."

So...to fight for a girl. Does it mean you don't take no for an answer? Does it mean that when the girl plays hard to get you try harder? Does it mean that when you like a girl you get over the fear of rejection that surrounds it and tell her? Does it mean when you are in a relationship, and she wants to call it quits, you fight to make it work? Does it mean if some dude talks to "your woman" you mop the floor with his face? Does it mean when 2 guys like a girl that you compete to see who comes out with the her? Does it mean you are willing to risk your friendship? Does it just mean you are willing to put yourself out there? Does it mean that after she says no to a date, you send her flowers the next day and ask again? (again...true story) Or does it mean spending time on your knees before the father interceding for you wife and your family? Does it mean setting up boundaries in a relationship so that you may proceed with honor and purity and not indulge the desires of the flesh? Does it mean communicating when you don't really feel like it? What is fighting for someone?

I'm just curious about the difference between being someone worth fighting for just for one date, and for a lifetime (or relationship to accurately quote her). You gotta start somewhere. Do girls want someone who already has it all figured out and where they're going to live and the names of your first 3 kids? I wonder if the biggest wedge in early relationships isn't one person turned off, or worried about how the other person thinks more of the relationship than they do. And it's not just girls thinking it's more than the guys. It goes both ways. I know that my favorite place to be is in a place where I enjoy a girl's company, she seems cool, I'd like to spend more time with her, but if she doesn't feel the same way, or if it doesn't work out, life doesn't fall apart around me. Does that mean I'm not a fighter? Does it make me apathetic? Does it make me guarded? Shouldn't it be enough that the guy found you worth taking the risk of asking you out, even if it was only for the first date?

I don't mean to sound like I'm coming down on Carla (the author of the article by the way). I understood what she meant. But it's a phrase that I really have wondered what it implies. To fight for someone. I've had 2 situations in life where a girl that I liked started dating one of my best friends at the time. Now, despite there really being nothing I could have done, my mentality was one of wanting them to be happy. And I had taken both men to be better men than I. And I knew that they would be happier with them than with me. One pair is now married to each other, and the other guy is now an agnostic...so...I was 1 and 1. But I had often wondered...am I just not a fighter? Would the "real man" run a muck and raise a voice in protest, and try to steal away the girl, claiming that he was the only one that could make her happy? Pretty attractive wouldn't you say?

I guess I think about the kind of things that I have to fight against to ask someone out. There is the fear of rejection, the fear of acting like an idiot WHILE being rejected, the fear of losing a friend, the fear of losing friends of that friend, insecurities about not knowing exactly what you want or what you think should happen, etc etc. Not asking a girl out is the easy way out! I used to think I was just waiting for the right girl. But it was really because I was afraid of making the wrong decision. And it was easier to choose the comfortibility (may not be a word) of friendship.

So how do I make a girl feel like she's worth fighting for? Has asking her out not already shown that I think she is?

Just some thoughts and questions.