Squirrel Saga Part 3 (An Encounter of Epic Proportions)

So after this and this, we hear more noises in the attic. The same scampering sound. This was a little disheartening, and wasn't really near the corner where the excluder was, so it didn't seem like it was on its way out. I go outside to make sure it wasn't something exterior trying to get back in. There was nothing outside and I could tell the sounds were coming from out exterior attic vent. So I go into the attic and finally make visual contact. It was sitting between the vent in fan at the far end of the attic. So I could just called the company that came out before and let them know I see more. But I thought, "What are they going to do? They aren't going to put traps up there. They are going to just hope it goes out of the hole and get locked out." Plus it was Labor day, so it would be at least a day before they came out. But I could see it! I had to make my own attempts at removing it.

Let me tell you I was not lacking in creativity. Just intelligence. My first idea was to try to turn the fan on, hoping it would somehow open the vents (like the interior attic fan does). With the vents open and a fan spinning on the other side, I was hoping it would gladly make its exit. This assumes that the vents actually opened, and the fan didn't freak it out and for some reason walk into it. That would have produced entirely different problem. Thankfully...the fan didn't work. I turned the interior attic fan on, thinking they may be connected. They weren't. There was a switch just hanging out in the attic, but somewhat near the fan which I thought might turn it on. It didn't. And later, when looking at the vent from the outside, I'm pretty sure it wasn't going to open up. So I was back to brain storming.

My next strategy was capture. So I thought..."what do I need to capture it?" Bait. I figured peanut butter would do. A cage. I had some plastic bins that should suffice. And a closing mechanism. I decided to go with the classic pull on a string and collapse the cage strategy. Very sophisticated. So I leave the attic to fashion my device. I put peanut butter in a baggy and tie an extension cord around a ruler type tool that was going to hold the lid open. Then I did a few practice tugs and considered the results satisfactory. I was going with the "luring the squirrel into the bin and closing the lid" plan instead of the "turning the bin upside down and trying to let it fall around the squirrel" plan. The former provided more of a guarantee that the squirrel would be in the bin. Trying to get it to fall fast enough might scare it in ways that might cause damage to the attic or myself.

Phase two was to solve the problem of how to spring the trap. The "easiest" option was for me to sit there and watch it and to pull the chord when it was time. But was the squirrel going to go in when I was around? I couldn't think of any other way to have an automated springing, so...manual springing was my only option. Did I think this would work? Absolutely not. But it was a holiday, its presence up there was stressing us out. I'm a patient guy...I could wait the squirrel out. What did I have to lose? (For future reference, the answer is my wife)

So I go back up into the attic with my peanut butter and make-shift cage and I set it about 8 feet away from the entrance. We don't have a large attic, and all of the surfaces are slanted as they were installed on the diagonal beams. And there were no boards much farther away from the entrance. So I pushed it out to it's farthest point, set up the string pulley device and retreated to the attic entrance. Now our attic is the kind where the entrance is a whole in the ceiling that you access by pulling on a string and a set of stairs come down. So I perched myself on the stairs so that basically just my chest sticking out. I want to make sure the squirrel smells the peanut butter, so I turn the attic fan on again for a couple of seconds, which I hoped would pull air from the house into the attic, and out of the vent it was sitting by. This would have to drag some of the delicious smelling peanut butter towards the squirrel. Then I turn off all the lights and I wait. There was still light coming from the attic entrance I was standing in, but I was hoping the attic would seem dark and quiet enough for the squirrel. I was hoping that maybe it was super hungry since it had been up there alone for a couple of days. The optimal scenario would be one where there squirrel caught a whiff of the peanut butter, sending it into a crazed, hunger stupor where it immediately bolted for the bin, jumping inside and proving my strategy and implementation to be both flawless and genius! What can I say. I'm a dreamer.

It didn't take long before the squirrel started moving after turning the lights out, but it was not moving out of the fan/vent area. The bin was now partially obstructing my view of the fan, so I would hear a bunch of noise, but I kept having to look around and above the bin to see. So I wasn't standing very still. And every couple of minutes I would turn the light back on to get a visual. In the same way that continuously checking your grill lets out all the heat and you are better off just letting your food cook...checking on the squirrel wasn't helping my cause. But I couldn't see the bin very well and didn't know if I would know when it contained the target. I was hoping that it would be entered by the opposite side. The side I couldn't see. But then I would only be able to catch a shadow, and it was tough to tell if that would be enough. So I turn a flashlight on and point it at the bin. This had the added benefit of helping me not worry that the noises coming from the darkness was the squirrel coming to feast on my unsuspecting face.

So lights are out, flashlight's on, cord is in hand. All I have to do is wait. It is strange when you hear noises from something you can't see just what your mind thinks is going on. I heard it leave the vent, and then I heard scuffling. Honestly...I thought it had somehow gone outside and was walking on the roof. Maybe it was just hopeful thinking. Then I could tell that it was a little closer and was not outside, but near the bin. My heart starts thumping. Not necessarily out of nervousness for my exposed position...but out of the anticipation that I might be a freakin' genius! Still...scurring from a dark corner of the attack is a bit unnerving. I had made visual contact, but had not necessarily successfully ascertained the size of the animal I was dealing with. Suddenly, I saw movement in a shadow by the bin. Around this time, Ann was coming out of our room to A) See what the hell I was up to (I had not informed her of my plans) and B) Whatever it was...to tell me to quit being stupid and stop. I motioned for her to got back into the bedroom as there was no turning back now. The squirrel was on the move. Actually...there was turning back. All I had to do was scare it and retreat down the attic. It would have been so simple.

The squirrel advances slowly out of the shadows. Again...a little unnerving. I was hoping it wouldn't come around to this side of the trap. But I figured it was just checking it out to see if there was another way into the bin. It advanced slowly and cautiously (yet with quick, jerky movements...each of which...again...was unnerving). Several times I was about to reach out and move the flashlight to scare it and get it to quit advancing, as I really wanted it advancing on the trap...not my face. But each time, I thought...it's going to turn around any second. It's just checking it out. But it was now close enough that if it was an inanimate object that I had left in the attic...I would simply have had to lean forward and grab it from my current position. I was also wondering...can't it see me? I'm not perfectly still. I mean...I wasn't making sudden movements, but I'm sure I wasn't as still as I could be. And in fact...it did seem to know something was there. Something was making it hesitate.

Suddenly it gave out this horrific cry! And by horrific I mean it was like the growl from Lion King when baby Samba is trying to scare the butter fly. But softer and higher pitched. My first thoughts were that it was scared and that the cry should be interpreted to the affect of "Mommy Mommy! What do I do?!? I'm Hungry!!!" But I now believe that his exact words were



Do you know those moments in life when you realize that you are in the middle of a huge mistake? Like when you start making a left turn and realize the oncoming car is coming faster than you thought. Or when you ski off what looks like a small ramp, you're in mid air, and you know you aren't going to stick the landing. Or the moment when you are camping and you realize that what you are sitting on isn't a rock but a hungry, man-eating alligator. Oh how I would substitute any of those moments for the one I experienced next.

After it's declaration of freedom, it leapt from it's current position to the opposite end of the attic opening (the stairs come up to one end, so I was not centered on the opening). From there it leapt directly onto my shirt and then dropped into the house. I believe my exact words were...."$%@#!!! I made a mistake!!!" You remember priority ONE?!? Nothing could have been worse unless the squirrel had made a pit stop on my face before exiting the attic (which is what Ann was in our room visualizing the entire time). Had the squirrel leapt on my face, had a snack, and retreated back into the attic...that probably would have been preferred.

So it falls to the floor and starts running away. The only saving grace occurred when it decided to dart into one of our spare rooms. And the room was one with no bed and only a couple of empty dressers and bookshelves (and a chair that Ann wants to dispose of anyway). It's a small room with few places to hide. Had it been in the guest room with a bed...the bed and linens would have later been burned...assuming I ever caught it. The bed is a terrible place to try to catch a squirrel. And this bed is in the middle of the room, meaning it has three open sides, but also means that no side is far away from any wall or furniture. Meaning to walk around or look under the bed...you have to stick your face pretty close to the bed (can you tell I have a phobia of squirrels attacking my face?). I don't know what a trapped squirrel would do. It might attack your ankles when you walked around the bed. Who knows. Thankfully! I still don't know. Because it went in the other, smaller room. I of course am not far behind it and I close it in the room. I had time to think about my options, but there was little to think about. We just had new carpet put in. The squirrel needed to come out! I was going to have to go in there after it. I go back in the attic and grab my cage and then I grab a sweatshirt (in case I needed to grab it), and I enter the arena.

There is the squirrel in the far corner of the room. Scared to death of course (and it wasn't the only one). By now having gotten a good look at the squirrel, I was able to ascertain that it was in fact an infant and was much less scary (if not pretty gosh darn cute). Had it been an adult squirrel (assuming I wouldn't have bolted from the attic as soon as I saw it), there is no way I would have gone in there. Professionals would have been called out. They are faster, and seem much more aggressive if cornered. So I face off with the baby squirrel, and the chase commences. It darts behind dressers and runs from one corner to the next while I follow behind with a plastic bin. I'm not sure what my plan was. I guess I hoped that I would corner it and out of crazed terror it would jump into the bin which I would then turn right side up and cover before Satan's spawn leapt out onto...of course...my face. A few turns around the room proved fruitless for both competitors. The squirrel was going no where, and I wasn't catching anything. It all happened so fast (yet time seemed to stand still), I'm not really sure what all I tried. I tried covering it with the sweatshirt hoping it would just sit still after that and I could cover it with the cage (I'm an eternal optimist). A lot of time was spent trying to herd it into the open corners. It seemed like a long time, but Ann informs me that the whole thing didn't last more than 5 or 10 minutes. Anyway, at some point I abandon the bin and am holding both sweatshirt and lid. The bin is sitting upright a few feet away. The lid was used for herding the squirrel places. The sweatshirt for protection against sudden air attacks. Somewhere in there I found that if I slanted the lid and slid it along the ground towards the squirrel it would jump on it. How might this be a good thing you may ask? Well...when it jumps on the lid, I then had the opportunity to fling it through the air (something I learned through necessity of getting the squirrel off the lid the first time). How does flinging it through air solve all my problems? Well...if you can direct it towards where you want to go, you can achieve certain goals. So it took a few tries...but on the third or fourth toss...SWISH!...straight in the bin! I quickly secure the lid (though I'm pretty sure the bin was too big for the infant squirrel, and that my original plan would have never come to fruition, even if the squirrel did desire food over freedom) and start voicing sounds of victory. If I was Rocky...I had just run up those steps and decided to start dancing around. This celebration was short lived because I quickly went to go find Ann. I'm not sure what I was expecting. A wreath of flowers...a "My Hero!" I received (and deserved) no such thing. She was glad the squirrel was caught...but still pretty frustrated that I had let it in in the first place.

The new decision was where to let it out. If I had more time to think about it, I might have considered the situation more. But appeasing Ann's agitation became my new priority ONE. So I had read that you need to release squirrels far away because they will come back. And I didn't necessarily want it hanging around. And I hadn't seen the mom in a couple of days. If I had, I might have just released it by a tree in the yard. But I hadn't, so I drove it across the street to another neighborhood with lots of nature type trails and set it free. I felt a little bad because I'm sure it was hungry. I thought about trying to slip in my baggy of peanut butter, but...I'm sure it just wanted out. I mean it risked human contact just to get out of the attic. And while I thought it was attracted to the peanut butter...I think it was really just attracted to the possibility of an exit. And the cry wasn't "I'm hungry, give me food!" It was "Get me the heck out of here!" Unless it didn't know where the smell was coming from and it really was trying to find food. Regardless, I quickly set it free and it scampered off.

And that...concludes the squirrel saga.

Epilogue:

I've seen very little of the squirrels since. In fact, the only sighting was the next evening I saw a smaller (potentially still an infant) squirrel hanging around the corner of the house that they had exited. Could have just been the one that got out to join its mom. Or it could have been the latest baby who just couldn't get enough drama from our house. Or...I guess it could have been an entirely unrelated squirrel. But I'd like to think that at least one of the babies (probably two) is alive and well, causing mischief somewhere else. Haven't seen any since that last sighting.

That evening, to get our minds off the horrors of the day we went to DC and visited some museums. I was amused by this display.



I also got to take some shots of DC. I had been wanting to take some night shots for awhile, and I brought my new monopod to try to allow for this. Sadly, most of those didn't turn out the way I would have liked, and the monopod is nice, but still can't do exposures that are too lengthy. The most focused I was able to get was about a third or half of a second. But here are some from the day.

Squirrel Saga Part 2 (Headed Nowhere)

So I walked out and found a baby squirrel stuck hanging out of our attic. It was in the same hole that the adult squirrel had been chewing on two days before. So I start taking pictures, shooting some video, and basically just watching, hoping I would catch the moment it would free itself. Well...after a few minutes, it was obvious that this wasn't a casual stuck, and I didn't catch it at some intermediate point of escape. It was stuck! The mom was there working on trying to pull it out. The baby was trying to claw its way out. It was sad...but still worthy of documentation.

So if you have any feelings at all...don't watch the following video. If you are male...and are void of all emotion...here is some footage of the momma squirrel trying to get the baby squirrel out of the hole.



So I start making calls to see who can come take care of the squirrels. I try pest control places, I try animal control, I'm reading things on the internet. Of course everyone has an opinion on what works and doesn't work with getting squirrels out of the attic. But there is no advice for when they get stuck! But there is a good deal about dealing with trapping the momma and the babies dying in your attic. That was universally a bad thing. So I started worrying about this. I didn't want someone to come out and keep the mom out while other squirrels died in our attic. Most of the calls were unfruitful. In the video, you might hear some music during part of it. That's me on hold. A few places say they'll call me back with a quote, several say they don't do squirrels. Of the ones that do, most say they can't make it out today. I'm not heartless...I knew a baby squirrel was not going to survive the day up there. So that was a deal breaker. Got a hold of one guy who said he could come out the next day. I told him I didn't think the squirrel was going to make it so I was going to keep calling around. He told me...well...if it's really stuck, we might be able to get out there today. But I doubt it's really stuck. It's hard for a squirrel to get stuck. They can get in and out of very tight places. He implied that if the squirrel was there...it's because it wanted to be there. I assured him that I had been watching for two hours, and this squirrel was stuck! He gave me the "well, you're looking at it, I'm not" cop out, but I still didn't think he believed me. His prices were a bit steep (or on the upper end), so I told him I'd call back. A few other places gave me quotes for the trapping and removal of squirrels, but they were based on the number of squirrels to be removed and didn't seem to cover patching their entry points. I had read that squirrels can have liters of 1 to 3 babies, and I didn't know if the big squirrel pulling was momma or daddy. So I didn't know how many squirrels they would find. If they have to take 5 away, I'm better off going with the first guy's who gave me a one time fee, but it was "all inclusive" with a 10 year guarantee.

So...I call the guy and he sets me up for an appointment in a couple of hours. I haven't been to work yet, so I go for like an hour, and then come home. During this entire process I've been trying to work out the time table in my head. The big squirrel was chewing on stuff like 3 days ago. The baby squirrels were definitely older than a couple of days. They were ready to get out and start vandalizing the neighborhood. But if it was the mom making the hole...how did she get out? If it was the dad...how did the Mom get in? Was the baby getting in or out of the hole when getting stuck? I had been up in the attic and couldn't see any traces of rodents, though the over hang is in the corner and it's hard to see down into the little area. And lets face it...I'm not going to go crawling around that area of the attic if there are squirrels with a potential protective mother up there. But it seemed like the baby was coming out, not trying to get in. And while watching the stuck squirrel, I was fairly certain that there was another squirrel above it in the attic. I heard scratching when the stuck squirrel was still, and I saw some fur out of a nearby grate hole that I don't think could have been the stuck squirrel's head. So...how did they get in, if they couldn't get out?!? The only thing I could figure is that getting in required some acrobatic feat that is too much for the baby squirrels, but could be achieved by an adult. So when it was time for them to leave, they couldn't get out the way momma got in. So she made a new hole. I kept watching her leave the scene when I came around, hoping she would enter the house revealing her secret entrance. She never did. So I could never figure out how she got in in the first place. But the guy coming out was supposed to do a complete sweep and plug any holes, so I figured I'd have my answer later.

So the guy comes out. I show him the hanging squirrel, and he was astonished (who wouldn't be). It wasn't the guy I was on the phone with, but I felt vindicated that it would at least be a story back at the office. So their process is to start at one corner and check for entry points. When he got to the baby squirrel he had to cut some more grates around it to free it. I didn't feel right video taping the guy doing this, so I have no documentation. The baby squirrel did come out pretty weak looking, and I didn't see what he did with him/her (I didn't study any of the pictures that closely), but he said it was pretty weak and didn't think it was going to make it. So, that's the sad part of the tale. I did feel somewhat attached by the end of the day. But...I don't know what else I could have done. I had tried seeing if there was something I could do from the nearest window, but even if I were to fashion something to try to help hold it up (or pull it out), I would have to leave the window open. And we already discussed priority ONE!

So he continues checking the rest of the house. He finds Nothing. No entry point. Nothing but the obvious one. His guess was that there was an entry point in gutter, but he couldn't get the gutter guard off to inspect. So he sealed the gutter off (I guess there was a place to get under the guard) and put an excluder over the visible hole. The idea being, if the gutter was blocked, they'd be forced out the current hole (he DID open it some more to let them out). An excluder lets them leave but keeps them from coming back in. He also goes into the attic because I tell him I think there's more up there, but he can find little traces that they are up there. At first he was saying that he saw no traces. Generally they tear up insulation, chew on wires, defecate everywhere. Wasn't seeing it. When he went to the corner, I guess he saw a little bit of evidence, but still not a lot. So in the midst of the tragedy for the squirrel, I am again relieved. It could have been a lot worse. But I guess we somehow caught it early (yet late enough for a squirrel to give birth and for them to grow up enough to leave!).

ANYway...he says our house it tighter than any he's seen, and all he can really do is put some traps on the roof, and the excluder over the hole. I ask about traps in the attic, and he says that's a mistake because they can get trapped and then start rolling around and tearing stuff up. Early in his career he put a trap in an attic for a racoon, and it did $3,000 worth of damage. So they don't do that. But then he put traps on the roof, and I asked "Can't they just roll off when they get caught?" and he said, "No, I've got a screw in them securing them." So I was wondering why you couldn't screw down the trap in the attic. But...I didn't argue further.

So things were going well (besides paying a large sum for a guy to say that our house is like a fortress (my words)). He said he'd be back in a couple of days for the traps and to put a steel cover over the hole but to call him if we hear anything else. So besides the money thing, we are feeling better about the situation.

After he left I could see that the hole was stuffed with insulation, and I thought I could hear some noises inside the attic. The momma was still hanging around, and would just play with the traps. So I was sure there were more, and was just hoping that they would find their way out. So I go out the next day and the hole is clear of pink insulation, and I didn't see the momma around anywhere. I was excited that another one made it out, and it appeared that mom and child had gone off to make a new home elsewhere (I was a little worried that she would start a new hole). The next two days we heard no more noises, never saw momma squirrel, and felt sure that the nightmare was over.

Monday (labor day)...we hear noise in the attic.

Squirrel Saga Part 1 (Noises in the Attic)

So it started with some noises in the attic. My wife heard some scampering and assumed it was mice in the attic. I didn't feel like dealing with mice, so I was hoping that it was something on the roof or side of the house (I'm sure I have denial issues). I had heard some noises the week before in the other room, but it had sounded like it was outside and not in the attic, so I was hoping it was all the same source and maybe we had birds trying to get in a vent or something. Regardless, it didn't help that the day before I had done this





This is what happens when you stand on your ceiling. But it's okay, because...we had tape.



We had just painted and I was up cleaning the fan so we can paint it, and the board I was standing on slipped and knocked out some dry wall. And while we got that drywall at least back in place, we still had a whole where the light fixture goes. And after the scampering, of course we feared that a hole would be an invitation to any attic dwelling rodents to come into the house. And keeping rodents out of the house...is priority ONE! Looking back...I'm not really sure why we didn't try to just put the light fixture back up, except that the drywall breakage was around the whole, and it was already off centered from the mount and I think it used the board that slipped to hold it in. Regardless...I felt like a plastic bag and tape would be better.



And for good measure, we put a trash can underneath so if something did fall through...it would either be caught (man I was dreaming) or more likely...we would at least know.



So still not sure what the plan on attack was to be (mouse traps, exterminator, etc), we went with the sophisticated trash can defense for a couple of days. One day soon after I heard some noises again and went outside to find a squirrel hanging upside down from our attic over hang chewing on a grate.



If you were to zoom in, you could see a few dark spots where the squirrel had been chewing.

The noise of going from roof to upside down sounded to me a lot like what I heard weeks before. The sound of the feet against siding. So I was actually a little relieved, because I assumed it was what Ann had heard, and therefore the noise was exterior to the house, and the attic might still be void of rodents. But I could also see that the squirrel was trying to penetrate our house, and therefore could not be left to continue without intervention. But since I thought he'd been at it for a couple of weeks, and he barely seemed to be making progress...I wasn't stressing about it.

But the next day I went out and discovered that he/she was not moving at the snail's pace I had thought. It was now obvious that at this rate, the squirrel would gain entrance very soon! So I started brain storming. What kind of MacGyver set up could I install that would stop the squirrel from chewing on the grate? My ideas went from how to put a bad flavor on the grates, to what to put over it to prevent the chewing. The next morning I had the BRILLIANT idea of installing a mouse trap (a big one) upside down in that very spot. Then when the squirrel went to go chew on it, it would snap, and I imagined that it wouldn't catch the squirrel, but just knock it off the roof. If it nothing else, even after having been tripped, it would at least cover the area. It's probably a good thing that I never got to try this out because...it was a stupid stupid idea. But the morning I had made the decision to do that...I went out and found this.



Before you freak out...it is alive. But it was definitely stuck.

And No More Happiness!

So I've been racking up the sick leave as of late. But that's what happens when you become an old man apparently. So I was at work last week and doing the strenuous activity of...sitting. And somewhere in there I start feeling a pain in my upper back. So I try to pop it. It doesn't pop. Instead it decides to increase in discomfort and the pain starts to wrap around to my chest. So at the ripe age of 27, my back decides I have been comfortable too long.

So I pack up and decide to try to find a medical professional to take a look see. I had been meaning to go to the chiropractor anyway for some preventive maintenance (obviously not soon enough), so I tried there first. She was out, so I made an appointment for the next week, and Ann found an orthopedic and sports medicine...place that could see me that day. But by the time I reached my appointment I had cracked my back, which alleviated most of the pain. But to find a root cause I kept my appointments, but had to go during no pain. And it's always fun to go to the doctor and start with "well, I feel fine". I couldn't decide how to "rate my pain". Do I rate how I felt before, or do I rate how I feel now? I think I rated how I felt before hand so I didn't look stupid. But then they seemed a little concerned that I had rated it so highly (I mean...I said 3 or 4 for both). One prescribed me muscle relaxers and told me to take some pain killers, another was like "I know you're in pain so I'm going to do some relief...something, which basically just meant she was going to make my neck pop in a way that I have never before experienced. I couldn't tell if I wasn't communicating or if they weren't listening.



So what I found from going to two different doctors for the same thing, is that you get whatever diagnosis is relevant to their field. I mean, I know it's natural for people to try to explain things in terms of what they understand, but it was interesting to experience it so blatantly. I mean, it's back pain, so it has two obvious potential root causes. Muscular or bone...ecular. So with my lack of specifics (since I was no longer in pain and I'm generally unobservant), and the fact that the focal point of pain was right on the border of muscle and spine, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I got two different diagnosis from two different "specialists".

The orthopedic doctor guessed it was an irritated disk and her solution was to sign me up for physical therapy. The chiropractor attributed the problem to spine misalignment and prescribed a regiment of realignment sessions.

So what do you do? I guess you go to both and see which one makes you feel better. Except...they are basically going to be simultaneous (and again...I'm unobservant), so I'll really have no idea which is helping (or hurting).

This was my first chiropractic experience. In the movies they always show them doing these crazy maneuvers that cause these loud cracks that look like they cause more pain than they relieve. I thought hollywood juiced it up. Turns out...not so much. I mean, the chiropractor didn't twist me in crazy positions...but MAN can they make your back and neck crack! Does that freak anyone else out? Anybody else have the urge after one of those cracks to suddenly go limp? Anybody? No? Just me?

Initially I thought I would want a male chiropractor to be sure that he had the strength to do what needed to be done. But after a few visits, I think a male would stress me out, as I already feel like the my current doctor is going to snap my spine.

At the chiropractor I received some instruction on how I should "live" in order to protect my back. Basically I have to change the way I walk, drive, stand, sit, and sleep. After leaving the chiropractor I felt very much like this: (skip to 2:50 for the relevant section, though the whole thing is funny).



But instead of no more happiness, it was, "You may never be comfortable again". I can't sit on my wallet, I'm supposed to drive with both hands on the wheel (yeah right), I'm supposed to sit with my knees above my hips, sleep on my side, not pop my back or neck...

I guess my back will hurt for awhile.